Broken Like Me - PhoenixStar73 (2023)

Chapter Text

It was two days later that Izzy found Alec sitting by the steps in front of the Institute, his shoulders slumped and lost in thought.

Izzy carefully approached him, and sat down.

Alec didn't even look up.

"Hey Izzy," he said in a monotone, still staring at whatever he was staring at in front of him. Alec's voice cracked.

"Look at me, big brother," Izzy commanded.

Alec turned to face her.

"Oh, Alec," she said softly. Alec's face was pale, with dark circles under his eyes, as if he had not slept in days. "You look terrible," she chided.

"Gee thanks," Alec muttered. Of course, leave it to Izzy to not mince words.

They both sat there in silence, for what seemed like forever.

"I decided to try to go home last night," Alec started slowly, still looking straight ahead into nothingness, "and the door to the loft was left ajar. Magnus wasn't even there..."

His voice trailed off. "I guess I thought he would always be home waiting for when I was finally ready to go home. Guess not..."

He put his head in his hands, feeling defeated.

After that, he had made his way back to the Institute, his mind in a fog of heartbreak.

He had not been able to sleep after that....

"The door was left open?!" Izzy was surprised.

That didn't sound like Magnus at all.

Magnus was slipping, she thought.

Just like Alec...

"Man, you two were made for each other," she muttered.

Something had to give here.

Right then and there, she made a decision.

"Meet me at my room at 7pm tonight, and bring a nice outfit," she told Alec.

Alec looked at her questioningly for a second before nodding, then turning away again.


"Pandemonium?" Alec stated. "I'm hardly in the mood for a party."

Izzy looked at him.

"Um, hello," she started wryly.. "We are not going there to party, we are going to find the owner of Pandemonium."

"The owner? Why would we --," Alec began, and then wanted to kick himself for saying something so stupid.

Oh right, Magnus.

Damn, his sleep deprived brain was catching up with him.

"Ok," Alec relented, taking a deep breath. Ready or not, it was high time they talked.

"Now dear brother," Izzy said, scrutinizing Alec's current outfit of worn grey sweater and jeans," you certainly cannot go like that. Didn't I tell you to bring an outfit over?!"

Alec looked at her blankly, and shrugged.

"You're hopeless," she sighed, not in an unloving tone of voice.

She went over and brought him in for a hug.

Alec stiffened, then melted against her warm embrace. No matter what, his sister and her hugs was always his safe place, ever since they were young.

His whole body appeared to sigh against hers as she held him.

Izzy hummed.

Maybe, after tonight, things will be ok, Izzy thought.


"Dios mio," Raphael Santiago murmured, shaking his head as he glanced at the figure sitting at the far end of the bar, "You're lucky I'm here scoping out the place and keeping an eye on you."

It was the 5th night in a row that Magnus had been at Pandemonium in the past week and a half.

Magnus had been alternating between super highs and being moody.

Tonight it looked like one of the moody nights.

In front of him, there were twelve empty Martini glasses.

The glum vibe surrounding the figure at present, contrasted greatly from earlier that afternoon, where Magnus had seemed to be animatedly chatting with the bartender and patrons around him.

Well, at least from what Raphael surmised…he had not been close enough to the action to know for sure.

It was an unspoken agreement between the two of them that they would run this club together, keep an eye out but not be in each other’s space.

Of course, for those that didn't know Magnus personally, he appeared as the all-around socialite.

But for Raphael, who has known him for centuries, his exterior tonight was a thin veil, ready to shatter if approached the wrong way, or if someone had already figured out how to break down those walls.

Raphael certainly knew how to do so, to get through to Magnus.

And so he had tried to get Magnus to talk the first few nights he had found him there.

Especially since he was wearing outfits --and that glitter on overdrive!-- that suspiciously hinted that he was trying to forget something that had affected him personally.

He didn't know the specifics, but he assumed it had to do with the Lightwood boy again.

The Nephilim.

Man, these Nephilims were always trouble, he thought wryly.

Capable enough of bringing down the defenses of the incorrigible High Warlock of Brooklyn...

Bling! Went his text notifications on his phone.

Raphael glanced at the screen.

Incoming Message from Isabelle Lightwood.

"Is Magnus at Pandemonium? Alec was asking." it read.

Raphael paused, wondering if he should just ignore the message.

He and Izzy were not exactly on the best of terms, especially after that incident at the apartment.

He touched his right cheek, which still had a slight remnant of the punch Alec had thrown at him upon finding them both at his apartment, Izzy drunk on vampire venom.

In fact, he thought that Izzy would have ignored him completely after that incident, at least for a little while. Raphael really did care about her.

But at the moment, space was definitely best for them both...

Bling! Went the phone again, interrupting his thoughts.

“We’re worried about Magnus. So if he is there, please let us know, so we can swing by,” the message read.

Raphael took a deep breath.

At least their hearts were in the right place, he thought, unable to turn away this chance of someone possibly getting through to Magnus.

“He’s here.”

Upon hearing the text notification and glancing at her phone, Izzy looked up at Alec, grinning. “Jackpot,” she said happily.

Her smile faded as she saw a look of trepidation on Alec’s face.

“Just get it over with,” she suggested. “ You want to stop feeling like crap right? I bet he does too…and please stop fiddling with your hair and with the buttons of your shirt, you look great!”

She swatted Alec’s fingers away from the open collar of his button down dark green shirt, of which Izzy had opened three buttons at his neck, and flipped the collar out.

Definitely not Alec’s usual style, and he felt uncomfortable, itching to flatten down the collar and close all the buttons.

Izzy had also styled Alec’s hair with some styling product so it was not nearly as unruly as his typical non-style hair.

Alec had to admit, though, he did nothatethe look tonight.

A small grin escaped the side of his mouth. Izzy caught it, and her eyes twinkled.

“Ok, maneater, we are gonna go get your man tonight,” she stated gleefully.

Alec’s grin disappeared, and Izzy became the recipient of the biggest Alec Lightwood eyeroll this side of the planet.

“So overdramatic,” Izzy stated, rolling her eyes right back at him.

Her instincts had been correct, she thought, turning away to hide a smile.

She could already see signs of old Alec resurfacing. Of course, there was still a long way to go, given everything that had happened.

But that would come in time.

Now to go fix what was currently broken.


“Aww why you sitting here, alone, pretty boy?” a flirtatious deep voice stated. “Why don’t I buy you a drink?”

Magnus oriented his attention to the handsome Djinn, who was leering at him appreciatively, taking in his glittery hair, fitted midnight blue blazer and black necklaces adorning a mesh cutout shirt.

Even though he was indoors, Magnus had his mirrored aviators on. He was still somewhat recognizable to most of the regulars. However, he felt more hidden when he wore these.

He was definitely not in the mood to be visible tonight.

“New around these parts?” Magnus replied sardonically, rolling his eyes, while trying not to yawn.

He was surprised that anyone would venture over to this far end of the bar.

Generally this part of the bar was more isolated than the area closer to the dance floor, where the main pickups occurred.

This part was more for those who wanted to drink alone, and didn't want to be disturbed.

He knew the club was in good hands with Raphael and his security team, who always kept a good look out in all the spaces and many areas of the club, including the private ones.

He looked at the Djinn closely, half out of contempt, half out of grudging admiration for his bravado.

Anyone who was familiar with him, the club, or the New York Downworld knew better than to attempt such foolishness.

Even with the current sad situation that his life was in right now, everyone knew to steer clear, and knew better than to initiate certain situations – knowing who *he* was, knowing who Alec was, and their current relationship.

Well, whatever was left of said relationship.

Ugh, just couldn't stop thinking about him, huh, Magnus thought, wincing as he grabbed his 4th Martini and downed it.

He closed his eyes and relished the burn that went down his throat, temporarily taking away the pain in his heart – a pain that has lingered since Alec had walked out of the loft.

How long had that been since?

He had practically lost count by this point.

“Yea, you could say I’m not from this part of town,” the Djinn continued. “Why so glum? I can make your dreams come true,” he continued, flirtatiously.

“Oh joy, my lucky day,” Magnus deadpanned sarcastically.

Then he looked over at the empty glasses in front of him, and it made him feel melancholy.

He shrugged, suddenly feeling a change of heart.

Why not? It’s not as if things could get any worse.

He had been sitting here, in the same spot, for the last couple of days, might as well get some good conversation out of it.

“Sure, how about that drink?” he said.


“…so yea, people really need to be careful what they wish for, because I give them literally what they ask for ,” the Djinn roared with laughter.

Magnus laughed along, and fist-bumped him.

He was giddy by this point, feeling buzzed following his seventh – or was it eighth? -- Martini.

He did not even know anymore.

Magnus grinned, feeling a bit off-balance and leaned toward the Djinn.

“Yea, want me to top that?” Magnus slurred. “My boyfriend jumped off the roof almost two weeks ago, and I saved him. Saved him! Brought him back up to the roof and everything. Did he appreciate me? No, he doesn’t want anything to do with me. We haven’t talked since.”

Suddenly Magnus felt a lump form in his throat, and his vision blurred.

Not here, not now! he thought desperately.

“Aww you poor baby,” sympathized the Djinn in a soft voice.

Magnus’s vision blurred again for what seemed like a second.

He opened his eyes.

Suddenly the Djinn’s face was thisclose to his.

He was about to kiss him!

Magnus immediately jerked backward, and fell off his chair, his aviators falling off his face.

Immediately two large werewolf-human security personnel, part of Pandemonium’s finest, had gotten hold of each of the Djinn’s muscular arms.

The Djinn looked from one to the other in shock.

“Is everything alright, sir? Is this something we need to be concerned about, Mr. Bane?” the burlier one of the two asked.

He looked at the Djinn, and a snarl crept out from the corner of his mouth as his eyes flashed neon green.

The other werewolf human’s eyes glowed a threatening neon green in response.

“I’m fine, Carlos,” Magnus murmured. “I fell over because I was too drunk---"

“Mr. Bane?” the Djinn stuttered. “Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn?”

He stared at Magnus in shock, now that his aviators were off his face.

Immediately his face looked contrite.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry, let me take my leave now,” he added, giving him an apologetic look. “I hope you enjoyed your drinks. It was a pleasure for me to buy them for you.”

Magnus nodded, and then turned away.

He felt all mixed inside.

Had he inadvertently been sending out mixed signals due to his emotional conflict inside?

And of course wearing these clothes don’t help one bit, he thought.


He missed Alec, so much.

A tear crept out from the corner of his eye. What was he doing here? And wearing these clothes?

He missed just having regular days, with Alec. In their loft, enjoying one another. Living their lives together.

He really wanted those back.

A warm feeling flowed through him, even without him being consciously aware of it –

But to those who might have been watching him at that moment, it was the blue light emanating with his magic...

Magnus himself did not even notice; he just sighed and tossed back his 9th Martini, and stared out into space in front of him.

He had not noticed that he had inadvertently magicked his clothing/outfit without realizing it.

The oversized black sweater that replaced his outfit was actually a light sweater Alec had left at the loft (one of his more cozy and favorite ones, Magnus loved wearing it on cool autumn evenings whenever Alec was out on patrol; it would make him feel closer to him), while his jeans were Magnus’s own, but a pair that Alec had formerly said he loved seeing on him

Also now his hair had become undone, his makeup completely magicked off -- just like now he would be if staying in for a comfy night at home.

But what he had noticed, however, was that all of a sudden -- he felt like he was being enveloped in a big hug, even though it was not physical.

The sweater even smelled like Alec – but in his inebriated state, Magnus had not made that realization in his mind.

He only knew that he now felt safe and secure.

He closed his eyes, and relished it for what it was worth.

He felt the tears start to fall, and he made no effort to blink them back, or to wipe them away.


The giant sign PANDEMONIUM in neon lights beckoned as Alec and Izzy walked closer to the entrance.

Alec noticed a huge line of Downworlders, glamoured to look like handsome and beautiful Mundanes, along with the regular Mundies.

Alec gulped, knowing that they were about to see Magnus ---

For the first time in *days*.

There were unfamiliar bouncers at the front, he noticed.

He wondered where Carlos, Magnus’s most trusted henchman, was tonight.

Suddenly Raphael appeared in front of them.

Alec yelped, jumping at his sudden appearance.D Damn these vampire speed and reflexes, he thought.

Alec stiffened, remembering their last encounter. Then he side-eyed Isabelle, who was gazing at Raphael with longing.

“Isabelle,” the vampire stated in a soft voice, just gazing at her.

Izzy’s eyes teared up.

No matter what, there would always be something between them.

“Hi, Raphael,” she said softly, holding out both hands toward him.

He did the same, and they held each other for a minute.

Alec looked away, partly to give them privacy, partly because he still harbored slight resentment about Raphael’s part in Isabelle’s yin fen addiction.

Alec cleared his throat.

They pulled apart, and Raphael’s eyes bore no ill will as he turned to Alec.

“Alec,” he acknowledged.

“Thank you for coming for Magnus. I’m a bit worried about him,” he stated quietly, concern overflowing in his eyes.

Blood started tearing out of the corners of his eyes.

Alec, alarmed, placed his hand on his forearm for comfort.

Raphael looked down at where Alec’s hand was.

“Don’t worry, I’m going to go get him and bring him home,” Alec stated with conviction.

“Good,” Raphael stated. “He needs you. He’s by the quiet end of the bar.”

Alec was still trying to reconcile how weird this situation was, with Raphael being unusually subdued.

And not so snarky.

He nodded stiffly, then motioned to Izzy to follow him into the club.

The usual strobe lights and lasers overwhelmed their vision as they stepped over the threshold, and it took awhile for their eyes to adjust.

Izzy gasped suddenly, which made Alec turn his head. She was looking in the direction of the quiet end of the bar.

Where Magnus was, Alec’s mind registered, his eyes hungrily taking in the handsome man’s hair and outfit.

The aviator glasses – which was so not like him.

His eyes also spotted the 7 empty Martini glasses on the table.

Then the tall hulking presence of the handsome man sitting next to him and leaning into his personal space also registered.

He was laughing, leaning in, Magnus was laughing, leaning in as well, as if sharing a private joke together.

Alec's eyes narrowed, and he heard Izzy hiss. Oh, is that why he was wearing those aviators? Alec thought, rage starting to build up. Was he actively trying to be incognito? So he could just go ahead and do things like this?

He had a death grip on the stele hidden in his pocket, ready to activate his speed rune to jump over there at any moment.

“Alec.,” Izzy stated, noticing that her brother had a look on his face that she recognized all too well.

“Hold on.” Alec calmed down at the sound of her voice.

They noticed Magnus starting to sway a little bit in his chair.

Then the handsome hulky man really leaned in – they were going to kiss!

Oh that’s it, Alec thought angrily, about to jet over there to wreak havoc.

Then that anger quickly dissipated as he watched Magnus flinch and jerk backwards in response, falling off his chair.

Simultaneously, he watched the henchmen arrive, including the one he knew – Carlos – manhandle the hulky guy.

They all exchanged a few words, and then left with the guy.

Magnus looked about to collapse, as he slumped in his seat.

Alec was about to rush over to Magnus, but then a glowing blue light – Magnus’s magic – surrounded Magnus, giving him pause.

He paused in his tracks, watching from afar. Isabelle gasped. “His clothing changed!” she stated. "And he's wearing...a sweater?! Hmm I don't think I've ever seen him wear one..."

Alec just stared. Magnus didn’t own a sweater.

"That’s my sweater,” Alec said slowly, coming to a realization.

Izzy turned to look at him, eyebrows raised.

“He loves wearing my sweater,” he murmured, causing a nearly inaudible, "Awww," from Izzy.

She put her hand on his shoulder.

“Oh, Magnus,” Alec breathed, tears filling his eyes.

“C’mon, let’s go get him,” Izzy stated.

They made their way across the club to where the huddled figure had his head in his hands.

"Magnus?" Alec whispered, touching him on the shoulder.

"Wow, now I'm even hearing his voice," a broken sounding voice slurred, his head still covered by his hands. "Can you just go away? Please just go away. Let me die of a broken heart. Please...I just can't take it anymore." =

"Magnus, it's us. It's me, Izzy. Alec is here also. Please, we want to take you home," Izzy said gently, bringing her face close to his, so he could see her face more clearly.

Magnus lifted his head slightly; his hair was messy, and his face was streaked with tears with gaze unfocused, his glamour down, gold cat eyes on display.

Meanwhile, Alec had flinched and turned away as soon as he heard Magnus utter those words.

He couldn’t take it, and was full-on sobbing now.

“Oh my god, Izzy. I should not have come,” he sobbed. He felt like his heart was breaking.

Izzy rolled her eyes.

“No, this is why you had to come, big brother,” she stated. “You both are suffering. Both of you are going home now for a long talk. I’m going to ask Raphael to help us with Magnus.”

Alec was too broken down to argue.

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